Recently, my one-year-old has started wanting only her father. She runs to the window several times a day to watch for Daddy's return - even at 11am! More and more, she'll throw all her tantrums during the day - saving her giggles for the nights and weekends when Daddy's home from work. She calls cell phones "Dada" because she wants me to call him for her.
Sound familiar? The fact is, many toddlers go through phases of preferring one parent over another. If you've put a lot of effort into bonding with your baby, it can be heartbreaking when he or she pushes you away, only letting your partner hold or calm him or her. However, there are ways you can deal with the situation.
Relax and Have Fun!
In a lot of cases, it's just a matter of who baby can get to play with him. If you're like me, you'd rather be getting the dishes done than sitting on the floor watching "Elmo's Silly Stories" one more time. It's hard to just sit and be friends when the house isn't clean, dinner isn't made, and the dirty laundry is piling up. Oftentimes, the parent who leaves the house for work is ready to relax and take a break, and is willing to sit and put the blocks in the bucket sixty more times.
Or maybe you're just the one who does unpleasant things like diaper changes and face-washing. "To be the favorite parent does not necessarily equate with being the competent parent," says Dr. Ellen Weber Libby in Psychology Today. "It is the responsibility of adults to provide an atmosphere in which children can mature into physically, emotionally, socially, and intellectually healthy adults." You keep him clean, feed him vegetables, and probably take him to the doctor for shots. If he sees you as the one who does things he doesn't like, of course he's going to want to spend more time with his more relaxed parent.
The dishes will still be there during nap time, so take a break yourself and have some fun! Play peek-a-boo behind a sofa, or tickle his feet while he's in the high chair. Build your own tower of blocks, even. Without getting too much into his space, try to just be relaxed and ready for whatever. He might warm up to you sooner if he gets to see your fun side.
Don't Push Your Limits
Even babies have a streak of rebellion (how often is their first word "no"?), so it's probably wise not to push your luck. If you try to force her to hold you or keep trying to play with her when she doesn't want you, you might just make things worse.
After all, she's still trying to figure out her role in the family. Sarah Kahle Kuipers quotes Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, author of Touchpoints: Birth to Three, in saying that "to fully absorb each parent--their language, facial expressions, preferences--a child can only focus on one at a time." She probably knows you completely, and needs time to figure out your partner.
So wait until she's in her comfort zone: playing with Daddy. When she's already in a good mood and has her friend there for security, she's more likely to play with you longer. Play peek-a-boo over Daddy's shoulder. Have Daddy roll you the ball while she's watching. Sneak up and tickle her a little, then go back to the safety of the kitchen. Let her set the terms, and she'll let you expand them.
Enjoy the Freedom
Sometimes, though, no matter what you do, it will just take time. Know that if you're still meeting all of his needs, he'll still need you and he'll warm up to you in time. It really is just a phase, whether it's a few weeks or a whole year. It's just a waiting period until he develops his ability to accept both parents as caregivers and playmates.
So, while you're waiting, enjoy it! The fact is, soon enough he's going to want to follow you everywhere again (the shower, the bathroom, the kitchen, the store, etc) and you're going to wish you had the free time. So pick up a hobby. If he's just going to sit and play without you, go ahead and learn to do something you haven't done before. Read a new book. Let him stay home with Daddy while you go out with the girls. Get in the "me" time before he takes it back from you.
Know That You're Not Alone
Remember that you're not the only case of Daddy Jealousy on the planet. In a recent article on Parents.com, Allison Pennell says that more than 90 percent of moms and dads say their child has preferred one parent over the other.
Many parents go through similar situations for various reasons, and many moms who think they've got their relationship in cement find themselves handing the baby over for Daddy to calm down. It is perfectly normal for any toddler to prefer one parent over the other for a time, but it will pass in time (you just never know how much).
If you've done everything you can, your baby will still love you. All of the subconscious connections you've worked to create are still there, but covered up by the appeal of someone's who's still got the edge of novelty. When it comes down to it, you love her, and she loves you. And she always will.
Brittany Morgan - Brittany Morgan received her BA in 2011. Now she is a freelance writer and stay-at-home mom to a very active and opinionated little ...
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